The prospect of planning a ritual-driven wedding ceremony often sends shudders up the spines of both the bride and groom and their immediate families.
Some head straight to a wedding manager, flinging their wallets like a hand grenade in the hope of avoiding the complexities and stress. And for some, that's a good choice.
Others set out to experience every detail hands-on. Fortunately there are plenty of resources. Today's future bride and groom can access a wide variety of wedding planners and worksheets, wedding music compact discs, photo albums and reception registration books.
How-to wedding planning books ranging from $50 to $7 are available, the most popular of which are "Martha Stewart Weddings" to "The Everything Wedding Organizer" to a selection of Emily Post pocketbook editions.
Many brides turn to magazines first to get ideas and assistance. Among these are Modern Bride and Bridal Guide.
No matter who or what is consulted, a few paramount matters must first be resolved by the wedding couple because everything else depends on those initial choices:
This decision determines everything else from type of invitations to attire, to time of day (a very formal wedding is not held in the middle of the day, for example).
One way is to determine the optimum number of guests, then the bride and groom invite one-third and each set of parents invites the rest; or, the parents agree to split the remaining two-thirds equally between them.
Either way, decide on a total number and get agreement from both families to stick to it, otherwise the number will creep up as everyone keeps thinking of someone else they forgot to invite.
Allow plenty of time. Ceremony sites may be more difficult to find than first thought. Find the wedding site first, perhaps even before setting a date.
If a church or synagogue is not immediately available, other options might be parks, under a tent, historic homes, bed & breakfasts, public gardens, a museum, someone's backyard. Use your imagination.
The level of formality will dictate the reception setting, menu, style and costs. Be aware that some reception sites may be booked as much as one or two years in advance. Will the reception facility set up the cake table before the guests arrive, keep the cake cool (out of the sun)? Where will guests best be able to view the cake-cutting ceremony?
Family bank accounts and values must be addressed so that everyone involved will be comfortable with what they spend and resentment avoided.
The bridal couple should be willing to adjust if expenses overshoot the budget.
The wedding begins to take shape when these issues have been resolved. Next comes deciding on the officiate and number of attendants. A general guideline is one usher per 50 guests.
It is no longer important to have an even number of males and females. Try to avoid asking someone to be an attendant out of obligation, and avoid "difficult" personalities at all costs. Attendants should be supportive.
Falling in love with a certain style could add more than six months to locate, order and receive it. Bridesmaid's gowns should take less time.
Tuxes for the groom and his attendants should be selected from four to 10 months before the wedding.
