"I felt good about it, and I think the people who donated felt good about it, too," says Welch, an assistant district attorney in Johnson County.
Wedding planners and other experts say that for a growing number of couples, the most meaningful wedding gifts are the ones they'll give away.
Some ask guests to donate to a charity. More commonly, couples dispense with party favors and make small donations in the guests' names. After their wedding, couples are donating wedding gowns, bridesmaid dresses, extra food, flowers and decorations.
Demographic Shift
More couples can afford to be charitable because they're older and wealthier than wedding couples of the past. In 1960 the median age of the bride in a first marriage was 20; the groom was 23, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. In 2002 the bride's median age was 25; the groom's, 27. And that doesn't even take into account the age for second marriages.
"Part of it is just the insight that couples are receiving so much at this time in their lives," says Didi Engel, vice president of registry for WeddingChannel.com.
"They feel so fortunate and blessed, and they are receiving all these gifts. They are sort of stars of their own event, and they really want to give something back." "And part of this is they are aware because the culture we live in gives more attention and focus to the importance of charities."
Still, couples shouldn't refuse all gifts, says Donna Ferrari, an editor at Bride's magazine. Some guests just want to give something the couple will remember them by; they want to help the couple start their new life together. Welch, who was 48 when she married, says she and her husband already had two households of stuff. They wanted to use marriage to help a cause close to their hearts.
So they struck a compromise. They registered for some items that would replace and upgrade some possessions. And they asked for some fun luxuries.
But for the invitations to out-of-town guests, they asked for donations in lieu of gifts and even tucked in Wayside Waifs envelopes, all addressed and stamped.
"I heard lots of people say, ‘What a neat idea,' and only one person balked at it because she wanted to give us something I could look at every day and remember she gave it to me," Welch says. "I don't remember anyone saying that they never heard of people doing this."
Out Of The Ordinary
Etiquette mavens say it's all a little touchy because couples really aren't supposed to mention gifts on the invitation. Etiquette, schmettiquette, these couples say.
All the ways of making a wedding charitable have become more mainstream in the last few years, says Bethany Robertson, executive director of the nonprofit I Do Foundation in Washington, D.C.
The foundation helps engaged couples find giving options for their weddings. Since it started in 2002, the foundation has grown from a couple hundred registered couples a year to several thousand, Robertson says.
"We were seeing a real disconnect between the way people lived their everyday life and the way they celebrated their wedding," Robertson says. "We wanted to have their values incorporated into their wedding because some people are tired of the spending frenzy that goes into these events and are looking for alternatives."
